(Continued from last week…)
This week, as a follow-up to last week’s post, I am choosing to share another part of Jeff’s book, with his permission. And while it may be a little long for a blog post, it is one of the most touching, enlightening experiences I have ever read. You’ll remember that Jeff’s wife, Tamara, and their one-year-old baby son, Griffin, had been killed in the car accident that brought Jeff to the hospital and resulted in him losing one of his legs. Well, just after the accident, while Jeff’s body was still in the mangled vehicle, Jeff’s spirit had gone to the other side of the veil and had a tender, emotionally charged conversation with Tamara’s spirit. Now, about four months later, Jeff’s hospital stay was nearing an end.
JEFF OLSEN (part 2)
“…I would be returning home soon….I was off my medications, and my body had mended in miraculous ways. As [my brother, who was visiting me, and I] talked, I became tired and soon faded off into a deep sleep. It was more peaceful than most nights. I felt calm, comfortable, and free of pain. As I slept, I dreamed again. But this was a real and vivid dream. I found myself in that place again, that place of love, light, and peace where I had said good-bye to Tamara right after the accident. I knew this place like no other. The feeling was so overwhelmingly joyful….
“….I was alone this time. No one came to greet me or guide me, and I marveled at the indescribable beauty around me. It was vast and open and beautiful. I could feel, touch, and taste everything as if I had not five but fifty senses. It was amazing.
“As I walked, on two healthy strong legs, I entered into a long hallway. It was a lovely corridor that seemed to stretch forward almost into eternity, yet I moved down it rapidly and with ease. I saw where it came to a stop, and at the end of the hallway was a baby crib. I rushed to the crib, and peeking in, saw something beyond joyful.
“There lying in the crib was my son. It was little Griffin! He was alive and well. He slept peacefully. I looked at him and took in every detail. How his chubby little hands lay so peacefully beside his perfect face. How his mouth drew breath, raising his small back up and down. How is hair lay gently across the tops of his ears. I reached into the crib and swept him up into my arms. I could feel the warmth from his little body. I could feel his breath on my neck and the smell of his delicate hair. He was so familiar and so alive! I held him close and cried tears of joy as I laid my cheek against his soft little head as we had always done. I felt him breathing as he snuggled into me. His ribs rising and falling with each inhale and exhale. Not only did I feel him physically, but I also felt him spiritually. Every cell of his perfect little body was full of light and life. I felt the energy of his soul and how connected we were. I was his dad. I had taken part in creating him. He was perfect.
“It was Griffin! He was alive, and I was with him, holding him in this wonderful place. It was real, even super real. I had never felt anything so intense. We were tangible. I could feel his body solidly against mine. I felt the life in each of my own cells as they melted together with his in a love exceeding our earthly bond.
“I sobbed with joy, holding my little son. I closed my tear-filled eyes and breathed in how he smelled and how he felt and how everything seemed to disappear except us. I simply held him, basking in the moment, and as I did, I felt something or someone move up behind me. The feeling coming from this being was so powerful and yet so loving that it almost startled me. I felt light and love engulf me. I knew I was standing in the presence of someone so eternal and so powerful, yet so personal.
“I did not dare turn around to look. I stood there holding my son, taking in the intense feeling. The being behind me had so much light, so much love, and so much power. I knew I was in the presence of God. Still, I did not turn around. I stood there holding Griffin and feeling the overwhelming love of a Father standing behind me. I could feel His everlasting, unconditional love. It was as real as the love I felt for my own little son.
“Slowly, this magnificent, divine being of light stepped closer, so close that I could feel His light surround us. His wisdom was overwhelming. I felt His physical presence in the same way I was feeling Griffin. Every cell of my body filled with truth and knowledge beyond anything I’d ever felt before. As I held my son, this beautiful being, filled with the wisdom of eternity, moved close enough to hold me. I was standing there holding my son and being embraced myself by deity. He leaned into me and whispered into my ear. His voice, though a whisper, was powerful. Not only did I hear it, I felt it through my entire being. He told me things I do not have the words to write and could never do justice to even if I did. I learned more in that brief encounter than I could have been taught in many lifetimes. And yet it didn’t feel like learning. It was more like remembering. I knew this as it flowed through me. I saw purpose in every event of my entire life. I saw how every circumstance had been divinely provided for my learning and development. I had the realization that I had actually taken part in creating every experience of my life. I knew I had come to this earth for only one reason, which was to learn, and that everything that had ever happened to me had been a loving step in that process of my progression. Every person, every circumstance, and every incident was custom created for me. It was as if the entire universe existed for my higher good and development. I felt so loved, so cherished, and so honored. I realized that not only was I being embraced by deity, but also that I myself was divine, and that we all are. I knew that there are no accidents in this life….Yet we always get to choose how we will experience what happens to us here.
“I could exercise my will in everything, even in how I felt about the wreck and the death of my family members. God didn’t want me to hurt and feel put upon as if my son and wife had been taken from me. He was simply there assisting me to decide how I was going to experience it. He was providing me with the opportunity, in perfect love, to exercise my personal agency in this entire situation.
“I knew my wife and son were gone. They had died months earlier, but time didn’t exist where I was at that moment. Rather than having them ripped away from me, I was being given the opportunity to actually hand them over to God. To let them go in peace, love, and gratitude. Everything suddenly made sense. Everything had divine order. I could give my son to God and not have him taken away from me.
“I felt my power…to literally let go of all that had happened to me. I held my baby son as God Himself held me. I experienced the oneness of all of it. Time did not matter. Only love and order existed. Tamara and Griffin had come into my life as perfect teachers. And in leaving me in such a way, they continued as perfect teachers to bring me to that point of remembering who I was. Remembering that I was created in God’s image and actually came from Him. I was aware now that I could actually walk with God, empowered by what I was learning in my life. I felt the divine energy of the being behind me inviting me to let it all go and give Griffin to Him. In all that peace and knowledge, I hugged my little boy tightly one last time, kissed him on the cheek, and gently laid him back down in the crib. I willingly gave him up. No one would ever take him away from me again. He was mine. We were one, and I was one with God.
“As soon as I breathed in all that peace, I awoke, back into the…darkness of my hospital bed, but with greater perspective. I marveled at what I had just experienced. It was not just a dream. It felt too real. It was real to me….Griffin was alive in a place more real than anything here. And Tamara was there with him. I knew it.
“As the years have passed, I’ve often wondered how I could have put my son back in the crib the way I did. Maybe I should have held on and never let go. But in that place, it all made sense.
“I realized that no one ever really dies. We always live on. I had experienced a God as real and tangible as we are. He knows our every heartache, yet allows us to experience and endure them for our growth. His is the highest form of love; He allows us to become what we will….
“My experience showed me purpose and order. I knew there was a master plan far greater than my limited earthly vision. I also learned that my choices were mine alone to make. I got to decide how I felt, and that made all the difference in the universe. Even in this tragedy, I got to determine the outcome. I could choose to be a victim of what had happened or create something far greater” (I Knew Their Hearts, [Cedar Fort, Inc, 2012], pp. 84-88).
(to be continued…)